Assertive Communication Skills
Assertive communication skills are probably the most misunderstood of all the communication skills that exist.
Many people believe that being assertive is about being right. While that is part of it…. it is not the most important thing. You may believe that assertive communication is all about winning. The whole of humanity’s consciousness is focussed on winning which is why we’re in the crap we’re in right now.
As a very smart person once said. ” Do you want to be right ? Or do you want to get the results ?”
If you focus on being right ( which is a very human thing to do by the way ), then you may also get the results too. But it’s less likely.
The reason for this is that when you assert yourself by using power over, two things happen…
One: The other person feels bullied and usually only cooperates with you in the absolute minimum way that they can. The first chance they get they’re going to look at all of the get out clauses in whatever “agreement” you have made
Two : Like it or not you’re going to feel guilty about getting your way, at least, at the level of your unconscious mind. What this will do is ensure that your victory is short lived. One way or another you’re going to sabotage your own efforts at success. Out of nothing more than guilt !!
There is of course another way that you can communicate assertively without bullying or having to compromise your values and what is important to you . Not only that you get what you need and are happy with it AND so does the other person. You create a win win situation that makes your relationships successful and stress free.
Because you’re working for each others success then the relationship is going to be longer lasting. More relaxed and more cooperative which means you can sort out any problems without going through all of that political manouvering. Think of all that energy and time you’re going to save. Imagine how much more quickly you’re going to achieve your goals.
You can do all of this and more by simply changing your communication skills…