Archive for February, 2009
Assertive Communication- An Alternative Way …?
Posted by: | CommentsAssertive communication….is there another way other than stamping your feet until you get want you want…. while saying screw you to everyone else….!!
Let’s start by looking at two different sorts of results that you can get….
In the first one, you create a situation where you and the other party both get what you want. You’re both happy with the result which means there is no lingering resentment from them OR any guilt on your part either about maybe not playing fair…
You are now in a situation where the other person is going to tell their friends about your agreement in a positive way. In effect you just created an ally. An asset for your cause or beliefs or what ever it is you’re growing. Not only that, the third party, ( the friend of the person that you reached a win – win situation with ) is more likely to mention your name if they’re ever asked if they know someone with your skills…
Stick with me here…this is important…
If you go down the assertive communication route that most folks teach then you’re doomed to being seen as an autocratic dictator or a bully.
Here’s why !
Research shows that when you “win” and someone else “loses” you will feel guilty and that will affect your health and your general social well being and social standing….Unless of course your name is Don Corleone…
The other person…the one that “lost” is going to cooperate with you until such times that they can get their revenge and undermine your position in some way or other. They will also be unwilling to promote or recommend you and you have probably made an enemy for life.
BUT HEY…YOU WON…
Or did you ?
The worlds most successful businesses and relationships all operate by creating cooperative relationships. Now that doesn’t mean that you have to be a woos and give in to the demands of others. Nor does it mean that others should give in to your demands either..
The name of the game is to establish what your values are and to stick to them while finding common values that you share with the other party. If you can’t find those common values then maybe you shouldn’t be talking with them anyway. It may be that you can find more suitable people to talk with who also share your values and that you can reach agreement with.
Now I can hear you say that you’re already in a dispute with this other person and you’re determined not to let them win. I have had my share of disputes over the years and until I realised I was using the wrong skills I had a bad time of it.
One of the big mistakes that many people make is they get confused between assertive communication skills and conflict resolution skills. Two completely different sets of tools for two totally different tasks…
I’m going to write more in a future post about conflict resolution and tell you how these skills were used to defuse the civil war between the provisional IRA and the UDF ( the Ulster Defence Force ) and how there are better ways to have effective communication skills that are also assertive communication skills…
In the meantime maybe you can think about what you want to achieve by using assertive communication and perhaps you can explore if there’s any other communication skills you could use in it’s place…?
Body language:- an Introduction to the Power Within…
Posted by: | CommentsBody language is one of the hidden* *communication skills…**
Most times you’re not even aware of the hidden messages that you’re body language is sending, though you’ll probably notice the effect that it has on others.
So what is body language and why is it important ?
Well, basically body language is one of the ways that you communicate with others subtly. The reason that I say subtly is because most of the time the other person is not consciously aware of the message that you’re sending. It’s a bit like the little kid who has had his hands in the cookie jar. Mom says ” Have you been eating the chocolate cookies ? ” and the kid feeling guilty and a bit defensive says “No”
Mom knows better of course because the kid has got chocolate all around their mouth…
Body language is a bit like the chocolate around your mouth. It gives those who know what to look for, lots of clues about what you really meant when you said something. Or to be more precise what your body language says you really mean.
Interestingly enough, over 85 % of all communication is unconscious. that is to say it’s based on messages you’re getting that you’re not even consciously aware of. And did you know that your conscious mind can only handle around 70 bits of information per second. Mostly to do with important events and stimuli.
The unconscious mind, however, can deal with around 2,500,000- 3,000,0000 bits of information a second. I believe that this is where those gut instinct feelings come from.
It’s a reality check that can be used to determine whether or not you actually believe what someone has said. And it all happpens without you even realising why your not sure about someone and what they said.
I know that on the odd occasion that I have blatantly ignored my gut instinct I have often regretted it but that’s a story for another time…
To have *effective communication* everything should be congruent. That is to say, all your messages whether conscious or unconscious are all saying the same thing. Now most times you will be doing that and people do adjust to your communication style. They know that you really are a brilliant person. You really know your stuff but that maybe you’re not quite as confident as your words say you are and hey that’s not really a problem.
However, for those of you who have a lot invested in your **communication skills**body language becomes a critical factor. if you are a trainer, a coach, a teacher,a sales person or a parent it’s important that you get your message across in such a way that it inspires confidence and trust.
I believe that trust is the most important factor in building and maintaining relationships and when you are trusted people will respect you more…
So, what are the components of body language ?
Body language can be divided into several parts and include
*-your stance ( the way that you stand and position your body )
*- Your gestures
* – Your facial expression
*- The way that you breathe
* unconscious gestures such as how fast you blink
*- and for the space cadets amongst you ….even your pulse rate…( a trained person can get in rapport with you just by mimmicking your pulse or your eye blink rate, by tapping their finger in time with it. this is pretty deep stuff and you can relax as it’s not part of mainstream teaching on the topic of body language.
There are also other factors such as verbal communication etc but as this is about body language we’ll leave that for another time. I will be posting on the topic of verbal communication skills at some point in the future.
One of the problems with body language is that you’re usually unaware of what you’re actually saying. What your body is telling others. So, how interesting would it be for you to discover more effective ways to use your body to get your message across ?
Imagine being able to create a great and lasting impression that gets you the results you really want and get the trust to be able to teach that class, get that sale, or have the harmony you seek in your family…
I will be posting a series of videos on body language and how to use it effectively in future posts…
Until then perhaps you could enjoy a fun activity. Just be aware of how people who are really great at communications skills use
their body to convey their message. You can just be curious about why they made that gesture with their hand or used that facial expression.
You will begin to be aware of what works and what doesn’t. Once you know what works for others you can model or copy those gestures until you are comfortable using them naturally…
This will take time and it’s important to remember to start with ONE thing at a time. That way you’ll become more profficient at that geture and it will become natural to others.
In my next post I am going to take you through an exercise which will demonstrate to you, beyond all doubt, how your body language affects how you feel emotionally and a super quick way to get out of being in a downer. It works every time…!
Improve Your Communication Skills, Become A better Listener
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Listening, often overlooked, is a vital aspect of the human communication process. While speaking is often practiced and emphasized by many, the art of listening isn’t one on which we find people spending much effort. In actuality, listening is easy and can be improved by following just a few simple steps.
Being a good listener means that everything you hear comes directly from the speaker and not from your interpretation of their words. This means that, as the speaker is talking, you are listening to the words as they are being spoken instead of trying to guess the point that the speaker is trying to make. People are often guilty of jumping to conclusions when they do this and, in doing so, they disrupt their listening ability. When jumping to conclusions, the person often doesn’t hear the speaker’s message because it is blocked out by his or her own assumptions. Good listeners absorb all of the information while the words are being spoken and avoid thinking ahead and forming their own conclusions.
Giving the speaker your undivided attention is probably one of the most important tips to good communication. Concentrate on the speaker’s words and avoid tuning out their message. When speaking on the phone, many people engage in other activities such as reading newspapers, checking email and other activities that can distract from the conversation. Many listeners zone out during face-to-face situations by either thinking about their response to the speaker or by daydreaming about something completely unrelated to the subject.
When you allow yourself to be distracted, your listening skills are not what they need to be. Missing a critical point of the speaker’s presentation can be the result of just a small amount of distraction. If you can focus your attention completely on the speaker, you will hear all that is being said. In addition, you can ensure that you are being a good listener and are taking in all of the pertinent information.
One technique of being a better listener involves creating mental images of the speaker’s words. This is a way of visualization that allows you to really comprehend the words you are hearing. These visualization skills can enhance the way that people process information. By using these mental images, you will help yourself by retaining the information you have just heard. This enhanced and improved comprehension makes you a better listener.
Taking care to note your body language can be another way to be a good listener. You will offend your listener if you engage in body language that lets the speaker feel that he or she is not being listened to. Behaviors such as avoiding eye contact, crossing your arms or wincing can send a message to a speaker that you are not really listening to them. These types of body language or mannerisms can result in the conversation being cut short because the speaker does not feel you are interested in what they are saying.
You can also consider asking questions that relate to the speaker’s statements. This technique can also help you to become a better listener. Remember to ask questions without allowing your questions to interfere with your listening ability. If you find yourself focusing on one of the speaker’s key points and spending the rest of the conversation trying to think of a question that addresses that point, you will miss a lot of information. Instead, try asking your questions immediately when you think of them. This way, you can have your question answered in the context of the speaker’s presentation without having it affect your listening abilities. When you ask questions as part of listening, it allows the speaker to recognize that his or her presentation is being followed and that you are interested in learning more about the topic.
If you practice your listening skills, you will be well on your way to becoming a better listener. Try making a conscientious effort to use your listening skills each time you speak to someone or participate in a presentation. Remain completely focused on the conversation or presentation and try not to guess what the speaker is going to say. Create mental images of the words being spoken and ask valid questions to confirm what you have just heard. Each time you have the opportunity to listen, try to work on these important listening skills.
While listening is not as widely practiced as speaking in the art of conversation, it is just as important. When you are an excellent listener, you will not only ensure that you are receiving information but will assure the speaker that you care about the information being presented and that you understand their message.
How does Islam guide us in managing stress?
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This lecture on “How does Islam guide us in managing stress? by Professor Rafik Beekun and Dr. Tahar Salaat is a very short excerpt from the Islamic Management Series lectures which have been designed to help leaders of Muslim organizations become effective, Insha Allah. The series is on DVD covering 10 lectures based on the training workshops which Professor Rafik Beekun, University of Nevada, USA, has conducted globally with Islamic for profit and not for profit organizations and masajid. Each lecture was professionally filmed in front of a live Muslim audience, and the whole DVD set (10 DVDs) includes about 13 hours of lectures (with separate viewable slide show, and individually accessible modules) on the following topics:
1. Leadership from an Islamic Perspective Vol. 1. [2 modules: Defining leadership, and The Leader as Coach and Delegator]
2. Leadership from an Islamic Perspective Vol. 2. [2 modules: Leadership and Emotional Intelligence in Islam, and Developing effective leaders]
3. How Does Islam Guide Us in Managing Stress? [6 modules: What is stress? Three approaches to stress, Sources & effects of stress, Stress coping mechanisms, Islamic coping mechanisms, and Preventive stress management]
4. Managing Conflict in Islamic Organizations [6 modules: What is conflict? Conflict management, Levels of conflict and the conflict process, Conflict resolution techniques, Step-by-step process for resolving conflict, and Constructive functions of conflict]
5. Business Ethics from an Islamic Perspective [5 modules: Three approaches to ethical business dilemmas, Uniqueness of the Islamic code of ethics, Factors influencing ethical behavior, The Islamic ethical system, and Islamic business ethics from a stakeholders perspective]
6. Team-Building in Islamic Organizations [6 modules: Importance of team activities in Islam, A team is not a group, Stages of team development & Implications for leadership, Team-player and team-leader styles, Dysfunctional decision-making in teams, How to build an effective team]
7. Communication from an Islamic Perspective[6 modules: The importance of communication, The communication process and model, Components of verbal and nonverbal communication, Barriers to effective communication, Multicultural communication, Improving communication through the Islamic etiquette of communication
8. Time Management for Islamic Organizations [1 module, 1 hour and 22 minutes]
9. Strategic Planning and Implementation for Islamic Organizations [5 modules: Introducing strategic management, Developing a strategic plan, Developing an operational plan, Strategy implementation, and Strategy evaluation]
10.Improving the Effectiveness of Boards of Islamic Organizations [1 module, 1 hour]
The Islamic Management Series set can be ordered either from Dr. Beekun’s online store at:
http://www.theislamicworkplace.com/Books.html or from http://www.shuracouncil.org.
The whole DVD set is $100, not including shipping, and is meant for Islamic organizations or leaders interested in training or continuous learning. Your purchases of our books and DVD support our research and teaching work in the area of Islamic Management.
This DVD series was produced in cooperation with the Islamic Shura Council of Southern California.
Duration : 0:3:24
Giridhar Kabra – Effective Communication & Presentation Skills Training
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effective communication Training & presentation skills training
www.bmconsultantsindia.com
Duration : 0:2:8
Improving Interpersonal Perception : Improving Interpersonal Perception
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Improving interpersonal perception can help with communication skills and in repairing relationships. Recognize how mood and bias affect interpersonal perception in this free communication skills video.
Duration : 0:1:41
IMPROVE YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO BUILD THAT RELATIONSHIP
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THE LIFE COACH TEACHES US THE POWER OF LISTENING… ISRAEL IS TRULY COMMITTED TO HELPING US TO LIVE BETTER IN EVERY DAY LIFE AND MORE.
Duration : 0:2:57
Nonviolent Communication Skills Training NVC , Active listening skills
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Nonviolent communication skills training ( NVC )or Compassionate Communication Skills ( active listening skills ) was developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg . They are introduced in this talk by Rick Goodfriend Learn to communicate and listen deeper with compassionate listening with another instead of using everyday fix it language. This is excellent for anger management. Also using Rick’s experiences, how we disconnect our everyday communications when we think we are helping. Nonviolent Communication Skills or Compassionate communication skills are options to help you communicate with yourself and others. From Santa Barbara, California
Help celebrate World Empathy Day every Weds and bring peace into your world. See www.empathyday.com . Nonviolent Communication Skills( NVC ) was developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg !@#$
Duration : 0:10:51
Coaching Supervision vs Mentoring
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Supervision is not a new concept. The execution method and amount of supervision required varies depending on the situation. Supervision is necessary as it not only enhances workers knowledge and skills of their job, but also provides psychological support so that they can perform their responsibilities with self-assurance. Supervision also ensures maintenance and implementation of high quality work.
Coaching supervision:
Like other workers coaches also need supervision in order to enhance their skills. However, the supervision given to coaches is quite different from the management supervision in companies. In this competitive world, hiring coaches is becoming increasingly popular; therefore, it is necessary for coaches, in turn, to deliver their best. Hence, they undergo supervision to hone their skills because it allows them to reflect and review their job performance.
Most associations involved in the field of coaching recognize the benefits of coaching supervision. Organizations like European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC) are involved in the promotion of good quality coaching as well as mentoring. They bring together people who buy coaching, and those who give out coaching services, to promote quality. People who buy these coaching or mentoring services gain confidence because they know that their coach is being professionally supervised. This means there will be control over the quality of the services, and the subsequent results. Corporations consider it mandatory for the coaches they hire to come under the supervision of a senior and experienced practitioner.
Mentoring:
Although coaching supervisors and mentors use communication and interpersonal skills, they are different from each other. Even effective mentors need good coaching skills. Mentors are an internal part of any organization. They work without any agenda and people can share professional as well as personal details with their mentor.
Mentors also impart knowledge and skills required to become a professional, along with guidance and emotional support; something that coaches do not provide.
Coaching supervision vs. mentoring:
When supervision is weighed against mentoring, coach mentoring carries more weight. Supervision alone cannot deliver the desired results. Supervision is limited to the process of overseeing the coaches. Whereas, to improve the quality of coaching, proper mentoring is also necessary, because it ensures development on the professional level and provides external support.
Mentors are meant to conversant with their client field to enable them to understand and perform effectively. For a coach to be able to bring about good results, it is important for them to be provided adequate training and education. It is also essential for them to share both professional and personal details to acquire the best advice. The approach ought to be more about self-discovery, rather than mere performance. Hence, enhancement of performance along with personal growth should be the priority. Mentoring plays an important role in ensuring this as the emphasis is based on guiding a person in the right direction instead of providing a list of skills that need to be achieved. Performance skills can be effective only when a person is guided towards it. Mentoring can help you lead your life in a balanced manner.
Working in the Gaming Industry
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As time passes, more and more countries legalize gambling, more casinos are opened in new and varied places around the world and more areas become legally approved by the authorities for gambling as a form of social entertainment.
If you ask people outside the business about career opportunities within the gambling industry, they will automatically think about the frontline roles such as dealer, bartender or cocktail waitress as these are the people immediately in the public eye. It is not something that is regularly examined, however the casinos industry holds a vast amount of job opportunities in numerous different areas of the entertainment arena. For example, around the casinos are often built Hotels, entertainment areas, and many more businesses that enjoy the gambling crowd and their business potential. As gambling becomes an increasing popular option for social entertainment, both following the population growth and increased disposable income trend, most of the countries that legalize gambling enjoy an increasingly stable economy around these environments.
A casino is like many other businesses or companies, in that it also has an infrastructure of management members, administrational staff, security officers and artists such as singers, musicians and dancers. If there is a hotel complex attached, then additionally all of these hospitality and catering roles will also need to be filled. Although generally most of these positions do not require any direct interaction with the casino floor, to have a working knowledge of casinos and customers alike is a necessity in order to complete the job roles more competently.
One particularly interesting and challenging role is the casino manager. This role is extremely varied and is responsible for the organization, direction, planning, controlling and coordinating of both the table games and the staff operating them. They are also responsible for recruitment, training and scheduling of all the casino staff. Casino managers also need to know all of the game rules, detecting any game that might put the casinos income at risk. Master Statistical and market analyzing methods are always monitored with regards to the gaming and predicting income growth or decline in the economy both locally and nationally is also a vital part of this role to keep the income of the establishment stable.
Salaries for Casino managers can vary hugely depending on a number of factors including region, however on average, the annual salary is $61000 a year according to a well known journal.
Another challenging role is the casino supervisor. They are responsible for ensuring that all gaming tables and the operating staff in a specified area are running to maximum optimization throughout any given shift. They are also there to support the casino patrons and can sometimes need to interpret the gaming rules and deal with any escalated customer issues. On occasion their role can also extend to organizing activities for casino guests staying in the hotel, outside of the gambling arena.
A gaming supervisor must possess exceptional communication skills, interpersonal skills and charisma in order to be able to both deal effectively with staff and employees alike. They also need these skills to try and maximize return patronage. Supervisor’s almost always gain previous casino experience working in other casino positions for several years before they can apply for promotion into this role.
In charge of the Slot machines area are the Slot key persons, also known as slot attendants or technicians who manage all slot area machines and staff. Their job description includes verifying winning payouts to casino patrons, resetting slot machines after winnings, and slot money refilling. An educational degree is not needed for this position but knowledge in slot machine operation and the games themselves are necessary. Previous work experience in casinos either in other positions or as slot attendant is also considered an advantage or having attended a slot operating course. According to statistics published in 1999 a Slot technician can make on average 12$ an hour.
Casino cage workers; these staff are in charge of all monetary transactions for the casino patrons. The cashier workers will be the people in charge of exchanging real money for chips, tickets or tokens and on occasion credit applications for both deposits and withdrawals within the casino.
The role most commonly associated with a casino is of course the dealer. They manage each game table such as roulette, blackjack, baccarat and poker, dealing out cards, rolling dice, collecting chips and enforcing the game rules. Dealers must master the game rules thoroughly to be able to pick up on inconsistencies. They must also possess very strong customer service skills, a professional look, and sharp calculating abilities as it is the dealer who declares the winner and is in charge of the winning payout or lost money /chip collection. This is a position in a very demanding and fast moving environment and most dealer job requirements demand at least two table games to have been mastered as a minimum.
Most professional dealers are certified. This is achievable through a two to four year course during which the participant will master gaming itself and also customer management fields as well. Experienced dealers are in great demand and it is a highly appreciated job. Dealers practice at first on low limit tables and they move up to high roller tables as they gain more experience. According to statistics published in 1999 a dealer can make on average 7$ an hour.
More general job requirements are also asked on top of these specific points mentioned, such as any gaming position applicant should be above 21 years old and with a high school certificate. In the United States casino workers must also have a specific license issued by the government for a fee each year, which also includes background investigations prior to issue. Almost every casino has its own training process in addition to requiring certification. As with any job, there are both positive and negative sides. Some people love the buzz of the environment which can also be conceived as glamorous and the fact that every day is different, however on the opposite side of the coin the hours can be very unsociable which can put some off but whichever side of the fence you are on there are thousands and thousands of applicants each and every year who cannot wait to join this ever changing and challenging environment.
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